i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
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