Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
im holly from the hills drunk
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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