Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
