Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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