oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
