I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
That was before I lit my hair on fire
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
Randomize
