he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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