just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Randomize
