she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
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