Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize