I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
