You made me cry and you don't even care
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
Randomize
