And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Randomize
