So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
Randomize
