he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
