this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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