We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Randomize
