we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
