he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
Randomize