I accidentally burped into my bong.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize