she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
This house was built for laser tag.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
I think my nap took me to another dimension
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
