he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Randomize
