So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
50% drunk capacity currently
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
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