She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize