You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Randomize
