so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
