She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
Randomize
