Having a random hookup so left but love u
My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
