He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize