I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
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