I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
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