u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize