yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
i came on her dog
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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