I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
