Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
