me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
