So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
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