bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Randomize
