Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
Randomize
