Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Randomize
