At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
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