I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
I am in a vortex of obligation.
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Randomize
