She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
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