life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
we should paint friendship bongs
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
