First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Randomize
