I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
Randomize
