You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
Randomize
