The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
