FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
