Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
Randomize
