If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
