i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
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