sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Randomize
