There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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