Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Randomize