Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
