my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
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