I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
