he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
I won't apologize to a one balled man
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
Randomize
