You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
Randomize
