In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
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