It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
Even my vagina gasped.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
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