you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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