Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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