Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
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