Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
Randomize
