My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Randomize
