My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
