Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
