Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Randomize
