they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Randomize
