I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
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