I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
