There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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