I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
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