I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
Randomize
