Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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