once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Randomize
