a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
