i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Randomize