now i know why i became what i already was.
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize
