guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
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