Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
now i know why i became what i already was.
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
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