I'm really into asian looking animals
I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
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