New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Randomize
