New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Randomize
