To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Randomize
