you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
Randomize
