she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
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