Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
Randomize
