He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
Randomize
