Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Randomize
