Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
So gin and wine won't be happening again
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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