tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
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