I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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